I almost called this post “How I Fixed My Relationship with Food” but let’s be real—that title would’ve been a lie. My journey with food has a long history and is very far from being over. The reality is that decades of ingrained beliefs don’t vanish overnight and uncovering these beliefs is only the first (very small) step on the road to recovery. Rewiring my mindset around food is a process—one I suspect I’ll be navigating for the rest of my life. But I’m okay with that. It’s about progress, not perfection.
I did my first 12-week transformation challenge in 2016 as part of a competition offered by a personal trainer at my gym. I started at 94kg and ended at 82kg. This was a huge success for me but the success wasn’t just about the weight loss. Those 12 weeks taught me so much about food, exercise, and the power of consistent habits. The knowledge I gained during the challenge and thereafter became my foundation. I even got certified in nutrition, earned my trainer’s license, and starting coaching others in 6-week and 12-week challenges. By 2020, I’d hit my fittest and healthiest point ever—77kg, the closest I’d ever been to my long-time goal weight of 75kg. I knew exactly how I got there, the work I had put in, the commitment it took. Still, I wasn’t happy and I knew that if I fell off the wagon things would not turn out for the best. I had set up my environment for success. I was tracking calories, working out with friends, teaching classes, and training 3-5 times a week.
But then my world fell apart.
Here’s the thing when you setup everything around you for success but not your own mind: worlds fall apart and then so do you.
Because of the pandemic all gyms were closes, I could not teach classes anymore, and I could not meet with friends for workouts. This was major for me because I was so reliant on these external institutions and when they got taken away, I lost all motivation. I stopped training and teaching classes, and did not return when the gyms opened again – or rather I tried but never really committed again. I did not know how to setup new structures (like working out at home) because my mind wasn’t trained for this and the mindset I cultivated over time was so greatly affected.
In addition to the pandemic, my life has been affected by one major life event after another. The passing of my mother, completing my PhD, meeting my now-husband, getting my dream job in Edinburgh, getting a dog, getting married, buying a house. These are not all negative life events but every life event is big and traumatic (in a certain sense) and all these things happened within the timespan of four years!
Life events affect us in ways that we may not realize, and when added to existing complex trauma, the negative outcomes could snowball really quickly.
Since 2020, I’d been gradually gaining weight again—just a kilogram or two here and there—but over time, it added up. I’d lose 2kg, only to gain back 3kg after a stressful week or a holiday. I was stuck in a yo-yo pattern, and it was exhausting. Even worse, I was closing in on where I was when I started the challenge in 2016. And of course I have been trying to implement all the strategies I learned about during the challenge and thereafter. After all, I knew exactly what needed to be done. Why couldn’t I do it?
The strategies I learned during the challenge and thereafter were only a few parts of the puzzle. There is so much more to cultivating a healthy life than setting up the right environment, knowing about nutrition and exercise, and eating the ‘right’ food or doing the ‘right’ amount of exercise. I put ‘right’ in quotation marks because I cringe at the normative ideas around food and exercise that is shoved down our throats by society, social media, etc.
I realized that first, I needed to give myself some grace. Life has been overwhelming, and I am in a life phase where things happen and where life events add up really quickly. It’s okay that I lost my way for a while. This is certainly the hardest thing for me to say. I can be incredibly hard on myself sometimes (okay, a lot of the time). This too is based on beliefs I have carried with me and that has weighed me down for decades. I am still working on this one and I certainly still struggle to ‘chill out’ a lot of the time. But I have accepted the last four years for what it was: A beautifully chaotic time of my life that brought much sorrow and happiness. I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and about life. I am still working on this acceptance but after realizing that I am safe and am allowed to give myself grace, I could start working on my relationship with food.
The beliefs that was underlying my relationship with food is not a problem that started in the last four years. One big realization I have had on my journey is that my relationship with food has never been truly healthy. I grew up in poverty, where food was scarce, and finishing every bite on your plate was non-negotiable. Eating out was a rare treat, and when it happened, you went all out—binging wasn’t just acceptable; it was expected. Poverty is a not prerequisite for an unhealthy relationship with food. Here are some things parents tell their kids that may result in an unhealthy belief system with regards to food:
Saying things like “You can’t have dessert until you finish your vegetables” or “You’re not getting dessert if you’re not good” can create unhealthy associations, where some foods are seen as “bad” and others as rewards. This can lead to an emotional relationship with food, using it for comfort or control rather than listening to physical hunger cues. In adult life, this can show up as “I’ve been eating so well this week, I can binge on the weekend”.
Closely related are statements like “You shouldn’t eat that, it’s unhealthy” or “That’s a ‘cheat’ meal”. Labeling food as “good” or “bad” can foster fear and restriction, leading to disordered eating habits like bingeing or food avoidance. The term “cheat” meal creates a harmful dichotomy, fueling guilt and a restrictive mindset around certain foods.
Statements like “You’ve had enough, stop eating” or “Why are you still hungry?” can undermine a child’s ability to trust their own hunger cues. It may lead to confusion, guilt, or shame about their appetite and make them ignore their body’s signals. Being in tune with interoceptive signals is something that can only get better with time. If this perceptual ability is undermined in childhood, how can we expect adults to suddenly trust their bodily signals?
And finally “Clean your plate” which can lead to overeating, as children may feel they need to finish everything on their plate, even when they’re full. It can also foster a habit of eating out of obligation rather than listening to hunger cues.
How many of these statements have you heard growing up? How does it affect your relationship with food today?
I heard all of these statements (or some variation of them) during my childhood and never realized just how much it has formed my relationship with food until I started reflecting on the habits that have followed me into adulthood. Even during my “healthiest” years, I was still stuck in a cycle of eating as little as possible (1,200–1,500 calories a day) during the week and binging on weekends. Sure, I was fit, but my mindset was anything but healthy and my eating habits even less so. Identifying the deeply ingrained beliefs from my childhood has enabled me to challenge them and form new beliefs. Here are a few examples of how one can reframe these beliefs.
| UNHEALTHY BELIEF | WHY IT IS HARMFUL | HOW TO CHALLENGE IT |
| Some foods are ‘bad’ and should be avoided. | Creates guilt and fear around eating certain foods, leading to restriction or binge cycles. | Reframe all foods as neutral, emphasizing balance and moderation instead of avoidance. |
| You should eat to make others happy. | Conditions you to prioritize external approval over your own needs or preferences. | Respect your own preferences and boundaries by choosing foods that align with your body’s needs and personal enjoyment. |
| Healthy eating is expensive or boring. | Discourages exploring nutritious options and limits variety. | Discover affordable, flavorful recipes and meal-prepping strategies to make healthy eating accessible and enjoyable. |
| Snacking is bad. | Creates guilt around eating outside mealtimes, ignoring hunger signals. | View snacks as opportunities to fuel your body and choose satisfying, nutrient-dense options. |
These are just a few examples and challenging ingrained beliefs requires a lot of reflection. This is not a quick process and the beliefs are certainly not the only aspect that needs to change to cultivate a healthy lifestyle. Lifestyle changes only become sustainable when our beliefs and environment align and that requires not only reflecting on what may be holding us back but also setting ourselves up for success by changing our environment.
This isn’t the end of my journey—it’s just the beginning of a new chapter. My focus now is on creating sustainable habits, embracing a mindset of balance, and being kinder to myself. If you’re on a similar path, I hope my story reminds you that change takes time, grace, and a willingness to challenge the narratives we’ve been carrying for years.
Here’s to progress, one small step at a time.
Mind the Body 
Leave a comment